When you are looking for a partner, firstly think what do you want from life…. what do you expect from your partner and what type of personality will be compatible and complimentary to yours? What mutual interests should you share? Do you want children and how does your partner feel about children?
How many times did I hear these words from couples struggling to “make things work”?
“We have our differences, but we can WORK it out.” or
“We just need to give it some TIME.” and
“We just need to WORK a little harder.”
The fact is, those differences might be big issues, you might not be able to solve or “work around”. You might find you have wasted precious years of your life trying to patch up a relationship that was never meant to be. If your partner does not have other super qualities that can glue you together for the rest of your lives, you might reach a dead-end sooner than you think.
Remember, it is better to marry your best friend, than being stuck with your worst enemy on a desert island.
Here are some points on who NOT to pick when considering a partner for life:
1. Your Backgrounds
People from two different backgrounds hardly agree on anything. They usually clash on many levels. Mostly about the upbringing of their offspring and living standards. Especially if they are from different cultures and religious groups.
2. Values and Moral Standards
Discuss beforehand your values and moral standards with your partner. If both or one of you, can not agree to what the other partner regard as “valued”, the relationship is doomed from the word go!
3. Physical Attraction
Love at first sight? It might not last, because the infatuation might soon wear off and you might fond that you are not so much “into” the other person any more. Make sure there is more to the attraction than just physical appearance and chemistry.
4. Intellectual Compatibility
If she’s a rocket scientist and he a high school dropout, there’s soon going to be a huge gap in communication. Because this means that the attraction is purely physical. One or even both of you are going to become bored in the relationship. He might feel insignificant and out of place around your friends and family…. You might not fit in with his friends either.
5. Annoying Habits and Irritabilities
He smokes and likes drinking…. a lot! You prefer a cup of tea and can’t stand the smell of tobacco. Don’t ever think you can change someone. Old habits never die. For instance: He does not clean the bath after it’s been used, even worse, he does not like to bath or brush his teeth at all. If your partner does not care much for personal hygiene before you got married, what makes you think that he might do so after? If you easily become annoyed or irate with your partners habits… the relationship is definitely NOT going to work for you.
6. Explosive and Abusive Personalities
If your partner is the explosive or abusive type. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW! If you can not get through the day without violence or verbally attacking and insulting each other, you are in an unhealthy and abusive relationship. This is an incompatible personality’s scenario. It does not matter if you or your partner is the abusive type… You may go for anger management and therapy as much as you like, if your relationship is like fuel on fire it might end in tragedy. You bring out the worst in each other and this spell DANGER.
If your partner is the explosive or abusive type. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW! If you can not get through the day without violence or verbally attacking and insulting each other, you are in an unhealthy and abusive relationship. This is an incompatible personality’s scenario. It does not matter if you or your partner is the abusive type… You may go for anger management and therapy as much as you like, if your relationship is like fuel on fire it might end in tragedy. You bring out the worst in each other and this spell DANGER.
7. Low Self-esteem
If your partner constantly needs reassurance and use you as an emotional crutch to keep his / her moral and ego boosted… You are also going to become depressed and your self-worth will suffer a serious blow. Do not commit yourself to someone who will drag you down with them. Loathing and self-pity is not the type of qualities you want in a partner!
8. Obsession and Jealousy
Besides abusive and explosive personalities, this is may be one of the most dangerous qualities a partner might exhibit. These qualities along with an explosive temperament, is not your ideal partner. If he / she do not trust you, he / she do not trust him- / herself. There might as well be a hint of mental instability. (See .13)
Besides abusive and explosive personalities, this is may be one of the most dangerous qualities a partner might exhibit. These qualities along with an explosive temperament, is not your ideal partner. If he / she do not trust you, he / she do not trust him- / herself. There might as well be a hint of mental instability. (See .13)
9. Disrespect and Mistrust
As with low self-esteem (.7), a person who does not have respect for him- / herself will not have respect for you, nor will this person be capable of showing any type of affection. If your partner does not trust you, even if you gave him no reason to doubt you, get out of this relationship as fast as you can.
10. Financial Independence
Believe it or not, the biggest obstacle in most relationships is money. He does not own enough and she can not control her spending…. or he is unemployed and sponges off her income, because he can not keep a job. Make sure you agree on how you will be spending your combine income and who’s responsible for paying what. If you are in a situation where your partner can not keep a job or live far above his / her income, you must carefully reconsider if this relationship is going to be beneficial to the both of you. Are you willing to support your partner financially?
11. Family Matters
If you can not get along with the family or the family can not get along with you… Forget it! Where there are children from a previous relationship involved and they can not accept your relationship or your authority, you are in for a bumpy ride in this relationship. Family, in this case will always be first priority. If you are in a relationship with a mommy’s boy or daddy’s girl, reconsider… Are you willing to go onto a relationship, where a parent will always interfere in your life and try to rule every aspect of it?
“You can be a match made in heaven
or you can be the couple from hell…”
Essential qualities to look for in a partner:
- Must be respectful
- True Friendship
- Trust
- Shared Interests
- Same / Similar Background
- Communication Skills
- Must be a good listener
- Intellectual Stimulating
- Character
- Values and Moral Standards
- Habits you adore (maybe one you hate)
- Financial
- Caring
- Maturity
- Sense of humour
- Trustworthy
- Ability to be Intimate
